And this is what Maybug looks like right now:
It’s really weird to think that there’s an actual person growing inside of me, not just some parasite that steals my brain cells and makes me hungry. And, in fact, he or she is kind of cute. There’s a real living human being inside of me and that, to me, is just the coolest thing all of a sudden. Every one of those kicks and squirms comes from an actual person. I’ve known that all along, you know, but it was never really real until I saw that picture. I have a ultrasound picture of him or her from about a month ago, but he or she just looks…blobby. An outline of a person. I just look at that thing for hours on end. Sometimes I play this game where I try to imagine what he or she will be like when he or she grows up, and it was always really hard because all I had was the blobby grayscale outline. But seeing that picture…put it into a weird sort of perspective for me.
Hey, I make people. That’s pretty damn cool.
lisa4011 said,
January 19, 2008 @ 9:43 am
It is pretty damn cool!!! All the medical help in the world and I can’t do what you’re doing right now.
It’s going to get harder for you, I think, now that Maybug has become a real person. How are you coping?
maybug said,
January 19, 2008 @ 3:47 pm
That sucks–that you can’t have a baby, i mean, because it’s obvious you really want one. I get a major guilt complex when I think of that, because it’s just sad for you. I made a mistake and got pregnant and you’re trying and you can’t.
I’m really sorry.
It’s been sort of weird since I made the realization, which is why I haven’t really updated the journal since this. I’m almost afraid of losing him or her now. I know there are so many people like you out there in the world, so that’s what’s going to keep me running, but it’s sad at the same time.
And hi again.